Deep Breath

Next Thursday, our Dossier is scheduled to be mailed to China.  Wow!  At that point given 2-3 months on average, the Chinese government will approve us to adopt our boy and then all of the motions go into action to start planning our travel.  We're still SEVERAL months away from meeting him, but it's all moving along.  It seems like the past several months have gone by so fast and yet so slow at the same time. 

Yesterday I had to register Nate for Bible Study Fellowship Childcare for next fall.  Ok...deep breath...this isn't a big deal?    Right?   So, I fill out the little information form with his name, date of birth, address etc.   But then comes the big whammy.....it asks:  What is your relationship to this child?   No brainer, right?  Well, not so much.  Ya see, I stared at that little piece of paper for what seemed like forever in just awe over my own handwriting as I wrote my relationship as MOTHER.  My heart started racing.   I broke out into a sweat.  And panic sort of set in.  Why?   I honestly don't know.....just kind of slapped me upside the head like never before. 

Holy cow!   I am a MOTHER to not one...not two....but THREE children. (One of which doesn't even know that I even exist).   Sit.  Inhale.  Exhale.  Cry.   Scream outloud if you must.  I think I did it all of this in  very same minute. 

What on earth am I doing?  WHY am I doing this?  Why would I be giving up my happy, comfortable lifestyle to  bring in an orphan that has been diagnosed with some physical issues that will require surgery?  Why would I parent a child who has been described as having a bad temper?   Am I ready for my daily life to be completely turned upside-down?   I don't like change and I'm terrified of wicked storms.  I especially don't deal well with lack of sleep  and knock-out-drag-out-temper-tantrums.  WHY am I doing this?  WHY has God called ME to adopt?    HOW on earth am I gonna be able to parent a 4 year old angry hurricane PLUS have time to lovingly and patiently parent 2 older daughters that have important life issues of their own to learn and work though??  With all of Nate's medical appointments, therapy and ongoing needs, how will I ever get my business work done?  I can't afford to quit my job!  I absolutely love that my job is flexible enough to work around these things and all.  But...seriously...are there really enough hours in a day to get it all done? 

Will life ever be the same? 

No. 

Some have said that I'm changing his life forever.   Right now, I'm standing face-to-face in the reality that MY life is getting ready to change forever.      

And ya know what?   It's all gonna be ok. 

Gray Hair

This morning, as I'm plucking (more) gray hairs, I had this big epiphany:    I'm getting old.     However, this adoption process is sort of keeping me feeling young and "on my toes", yet I'm gaining more "grown-up"  life wisdom and knowledge than ever.

A few months ago, I never, ever knew what a dossier was.  (and if you don't know...it's ok...this adoption stuff seems to have it's very own dictionary and abbreviations for everything)     A few months ago I wouldn't have imagined that I'd ever use a courier service or even how one of those businesses even really work.   A few months ago, I couldn't fathom that a neighbor would actually have the audacity to close their blinds on my sweet kiddos when they rang the doorbell to do some fundrasing and excitedly show them pictures of their baby brother.   On the other hand, I couldn't have ever imagined some of the AMAZING, wonderful people who have come out of the woodwork and have been so supportive of our calling.   I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have contemplated purchasing size 2T Batman underroos a few months ago nor did I have a clue what the difference was between a 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree cleft palate.   I'm confident that I didn't have the phone number of United Stated Citizenship and Immigration Department on speed dial either.

A few months ago, I had a few less gray hairs.

Boy, are we keeping busy, though!  I'm sort of enjoying time with just the 4 of us right now.  I'm taking in as much time as I can with the girlsas they are growing up before my very eyes and making their own adjustments to this whole crazy concept of a little brother. 

Speaking of those 2 rotten little girls that I absolutely adore, they just got some new hair-do's last week. Wanna see?  Of course you do!

Aren't they cute??!! 

So, as I type this, I remembered I was "due" to call USCIS to check on our 1800A and guess what?!?! It was APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahoo!!!     I'm so excited I can barely stand it!!!

Then the next "step" in the process will be dossier to China (DTC) and will mean another 2-3 months of waiting.  Ok...gotta go..I have a TON of paper chasing to do now!

Nesting?

Is it too early to start nesting? Or is this just spring fever?

We are about 45 more days away (on average) from moving on to the next step in our process as we wait for I-800A approval.  So what's a girl to do?

First, I decided to track down everyone's immunization records and haul the family in for an afternoon of vaccinations.  Sadly, I did worse than the kids on that part. Why is it that the mere smell of rubbing alcohol on my upper arm makes me feel woozie?   Feeling somewhat like a pin-cushion, it was at least something to mark off of the checklist.   

After almost passing out at the doctor's office, I decided that I needed a break from all of this adoption stuff. 

Therefore, I 'm now on a mission to re-organize the entire house, garage, cabinets, and closets and purge us from all the miscellaneous "junk" we have laying around.  Which, in turn, means that the people at Goodwill practically know us by name.  Everything else goes to the curb and now I'm pretty much convinced that the garbage man officially hates me.

I've gotten all mostly caught up with my paperwork, training, cooking shows, in regard to my business/ So,  why not decide to re-paint a few rooms and get all of the carpets cleaned at the same time.  Yup, that's right.  Let's create even more havoc around the house by taking down all of the window treatments, wall decorations, and re-arrange the furniture. 

I can't really say it's "nesting" yet, right?  Because truly we are a LOOONG way off from bringing this boy home.  Besides, my OCD kinda kicks into overdrive every now and then and I've been known to spontaneously color code my closet at a moment's notice.   Don't judge.  

Perhaps this is just a defense mechanism to keep my mind off of the simple fact that I have a son a half a world away who doesn't have a clue that he's got a soon-to-be-painted, fire-engine themed bedroom of his very own?   

As I sort through all of the Porter paint colors, I'm thinking of how much fun the job of the  paint-color-naming-person must be.   I've obviously missed my calling in life. 

And it's off!

Texas!!  Yeeeehaw!

Our home study was (finally) completed and we mailed out our I-800A to the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) in Lewisburg, Texas on Thursday.   It's the first step in many, many between 2 complex governments. Basically, this step in the process gets us approval from the U.S. government to adopt a child from another country and eventually apply for his citizenship.   It's approval to adopt a child.....not specifically our boy.  The specific approval for him will happen many months from now.  Anyhoooo...that glorious first packet is outta here and that's all that matters right now.   It arrived at 10:28am Friday morning to their mail room courtesy of the local FedEx man.  Hallelujah!   Praise the Lord!   Pass the Tylenol.

Ok, now what happens?

We wait.  Like another 45 days to get fingerprinted again  (as if one time thru the FBI itself wasn't enough) and then on average, about 2 weeks later we will (hopefully) get our approval from USCIS.   After that, we'll need to get our running shoes on and get a ton of documents notarized, certified, and authenticated in each local county, the state, the country....blah, blah, blah.    Are we having fun yet?

If you really want to understand how all this works and see a timeline of the next year ahead, I have found this website easy to navigate and a wealth of resources:  http://www.china-adoption-online.com/china-adoption-program.html

In the meantime, I'm actually getting some things done around here.   Like everything that's been on hold for the last 2 months.    Kicking up my cooking show schedule,  get taxes done, tagging about 200 items for an upcoming consignment sale, clean my house from top to bottom, paint a few rooms, lose 10 pounds for spring break, prepare for a huge school fundraiser with Pampered Chef, catch up on some sleep sometime in between all of that....  Shoot, I won't even have time to even think about that next step, right???

While you're out here looking, take a minute to vote on a middle name for our boy.     It's on the right side bar.  We're pretty certain that his first name will be Nathaniel (meaning gift from God).    Oh, and when you vote, make sure you practice it out loud like I do.    To do this, you have to yell his name across the house like you would your own child when either a)  they are in trouble or  b) dinner is ready and they have their headphones on.   It's the true test of naming a child, isn't it?     ;-) 

Now, before I forget, where's that Tylenol?  

"Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours."

Last week, both of my kids complained about a few dinners I had made.  (this is par for the course with kids who have a Pampered Chef Mommy who tries to "experiment" in the kitchen)   Yet, even though it wasn't their favorite, they didn't go to bed hungry.   

A few days later, both of them came down with the funk that's been going around school.  So I debated with myself:  Do I pay the $30 copay per child for what could be a virus that the doctor couldn't do anything about or bring them in??    Good thing I did, as they had some weird bacterial mess that could have quickly turned into pnemonia.  Whew!  Crisis averted.

In the middle of all of this, I saw a video of a friend of mine who just picked up her precious son in China.  He was in the exact same orphanage that our son is currently waiting in, so it  hit home.  He was clearly malnourished....hair missing in patches... just skin and bones.  At almost 4 years old, all he'd ever eaten was rice and milk (from a bottle!!!!) and congee, a form of rice porridge.  While my two children don't even know what hungry is and have antibiotics to cure them of their recent illness,  this boy was obviously in need of the basics such as proper food and medical care.  

I had a pit in my stomach.  My heart broke. 

I was furious and have been ever since. 

Why?  Well, let's see:

First off, I have a photo of a boy in my hands who is my SON.    He doesn't know it yet, but I sure do. If it was your kid sitting there waiting, believe me, it would light a fire under your tushie, too.  I'm a Mom. It's my God-given mission to make sure my children are taken care of.    Yes, all three of them.   For some reason, I can't get certain people to understand this phenomenon....that my urgency is out of love and concern for him!    

We're still not done with our home study. We only have one (ridiculous) paper we are waiting on from a medical "professional" (ha, loosely stated!)  who says that they have been on the receiving end of the adoption process themselves and would be happy to expedite things for the sake of the child.  Funny, sometimes those people you think you can count on like to talk a big talk, don't they?

Every day counts.  What could easily be a much shorter and less painful process takes close to forever because it appears that nobody can do what they said they'd do when they said they'd do it.    Every day some moron decides not to do their job, it delays the care of our son.   And there's nothing we can do about it.  

We haven't even started our back-and-forth paperwork between the 2 governments, yet.  Oh, joy.   

Although some of these people seem to be on a power trip of their own and think they are in control of our fate, I know better.  My faithful God is really the one in control.  He's got all of the timing on this down perfectly.  After all, this little boy was HIS son first.   Yes, I'm holding on to what I know is truth and praying non-stop to the One who I know I can really, really count on. 

Satan, be gone.  And take all of your unsupportive, money-hungry, lazy, dishonest, lukewarm, self-serving, non-responsive, workers with you.  
 

Obedience

"Oh, that's nice.  I'm happy for you."  *blank stare*

I'm experiencing that a lot lately.  I'm finding that folks are either completly supportive of bringing this boy home or lukewarm.     Looking back on it, I know truthfully that I was lukewarm many times when I heard of folks adopting, too.

First of all, let me go into a little more detail. Ya see, throughout most of the 37 years of my life, I said in a well-meaning tone  "Oh, God will provide".   Then, when it REALLY came down to it, I worried, fretted, and tried to take control of things myself.   I can't tell you how many times I thought I was being obedient to His calling, yet, I came up with some sort of good excuse to do my own thing instead    I had to rationalize everything.   I would say to myself :   "Well, I can't do it because I don't have the money (and there's surely no way God will provide that much!)"   or....  "I can't do it because I don't have the time, sanity, patience...whatever..it's nice, just not something for me. "   

No, I won't lie.  I have had doubts.  I've totally freaked out, actually.  I mean, how on earth can we afford international adoption?  I already have 2 precious daughters, why have  3rd child, especially one that will have some major issues?   What on earth are we getting ourselves into?  What if...why...how....huh???

Ok, people.  Here it is:  Quit making excuses.   Seriously.  For those of you who claim to be Christ-followers out there, why do you constantly keep doubting and keep rationalizing the disobedience to your calling?  Step out of the boat, folks.  No, it may not feel "warm and fuzzy".   It may even be down-right scary.   I'm not saying adoption is for everyone.  I'm just saying that this is CLEARLY God's calling for our family and I want to encourage everyone to truly trust in the Lord when He summons you to something. Even if it seems like it's coming from left field.   Actions speak louder than words.  It's time for us to LIVE our faith not just talk about it.  Let me share something with you:

#1 -We needed a certain amount for our deposit and first agency fee.  We refinanced our mortgage for a wayyyy lower interest rate and got a refund in escrow for the EXACT amount of that first fee.
#2-    We needed a certain amount for the home study and dossier fee.  Then we received an incredible and generous gift that covered that amount EXACTLY.

Coincidence?  I think not.


The Lord has some big plans for this child.  Check your temperature,  I hope you won't be lukewarm.

The Boy

So, how about that boy, eh?

I can't tell you how many people are just shocked that we are adopting a boy from China.  I guess the general overall impression is that there are mostly girls.   Yea, I thought that, too!   The more I read, however, the more I'm starting to finally "get it".  Ya see, in most urban parts of China, they can only have one child.   If they have a boy and that is their only child, that boy pretty much needs to be "perfect" in their eyes.  Any sort of deformities, especially facial deformities, and these kiddos are thrown back into the water.   Oh, and I just read that they are so focused on appearance, that kids that seem to have big protruding ears etc. give them even more reason to shun them in their culture.   Breaks your heart, doesn't it? 

Me and my big nose would  never have a chance in China.

Years ago when I had that first little nudge to adopt, I always seemed to gravitate toward those kids with special needs.  I just turned to mush when I would see those little people exhibit such joy, despite their circumstances and physical limitations. So, when we met the folks at our agency in December, they gave us a few files to review that might match the special needs we felt we'd be able to handle.

After all, we all have some sort of "special needs", don't we?

In that stack of files, there was one very special one. It was for a boy. He was 3 and a half years old and had been in an orphanage since he was 6 days old. Facial deformity (cleft lip and cleft palate) And big ears . God loved him right away...and so did we!   I mean...really, people?    How can you not love this face??? 

On December 19, 2011, China pre-approved us to adopt this little guy.      His given name is Sun Hao Yan  (sounds like Soon-How-Yen)...I had no clue at first....I've asked every Chinese restaurant in town how to pronounce it!  Over the next year, this precious face is what motivates me to keep moving forward, even during the days when I simply have the desire strangle someone or sit on the floor and sob uncontrollably over the red tape, paperwork and overall ridiculous process.  

That boy needs some Momma-lovin', doesn't he?   On the "fun" to-do list: 1) Find the perfect American name that fits our family yet preserves his heritage and 2) Get him out of that pink little giraffe outfit!  ;-)