I have been pondering for days on what to write about. Honestly, there aren't any big updates. We're still waiting on Nate to have his doctors appointment next week (please keep praying)! We're still also waiting for an a log-in-date. Everything is sort of "normal" around here. The kids are wrapping up the school year with testing, Joe is working his 2 jobs, and I'm crazy busy with my Pampered Chef business. We wake up, do the daily grind, go to bed, and repeat.
This journey is such an emotional roller coaster. Some days I'm ok...other days I just want to cry, beat someone, or sleep all day. I don't think at this moment that we are climbing a big hill or running down the other side of the hill on the roller coaster screaming with our hands up and hearts beating with pure adrenaline. Instead, I'm pretty sure we're sort of cruising along right now. Feeling sort of numb, actually. Unless you personally have been exactly where I am right now, don't sit there and think "wow, that girl needs to up her meds." That may be true, but it certainly doesn't fix it all.
So, you wanna know how I'm really, REALLY doing? Well, here goes: I'm tired. I'm tired of our incompetent agency not communicating with us. I'm tired of people not doing their job (how do people keep their jobs in this day and age??!!) I'm tired of being blown off as my time is as valuable as any one elses. I'm tired of people's lame excuses. I'm tired of doing research hour after hour online with no real answers. I'm tired of explaining myself. I'm tired of people's opinions.
You ever have one of those moments when you either need to smack someone, give them a piece of your mind, or just run away? Yup, me too.
In the midst of my pity party today, we went to visit dear friends and their son that they just brought home from China. I was afraid of making him upset so I didn't reach my arms out, yet my heart just ached to hold him! It was absolutely blissful to see Joe laying on the floor playing with him and the kids taking pictures of him as if they were the paparazzi. I saw a joyful child who was just an orphan 2 weeks ago who has already become quite fond of his sweet Momma. I could see a loving child with a smile that could light up the entire room. I looked at his face and couldn't help but think about Nate and how they will one day grow up together. Today, I was reminded of WHY we are called to adoption.
Today, I saw hope.
So,so precious!! Just think, FALL is just around the corner my sweet friend! It won't be long and you too will be on the floor playing with your little guy. What seems like the longest days of your life and probably some of the most painful will be soon be over. All of the days wearing your full metal jacket just to survive the opinions thrown at you and the events that occurred to get where you are will fade away so quickly that you will forget it ever happened. The moment that you HOLD him and cry those HAPPY MOMMY tears for the first time, you will KNOW that every bad day, every tear that was shed, every dollar spent was worth that very second.... that he hugs you back! LOVE YOU MUCH!! Hang in there, he is almost HOME! XOXO <3
ReplyDeleteSometimes "numb" is how you survive this. But I am thankful you got to see some of the joy yesterday too! Thanks again for the yummy burrito and dessert!
ReplyDeleteLove.
ReplyDeleteHey Vanessa :) I haven't checked in on your blog for awhile as I've been a bit distracted. :) I'm sorry that things are so difficult for you. This journey is tough and I can't imagine going through it without the Lord. But oh the rewards!!! We knew it would be tough, but we had no idea it would be as difficult as it was. We were totally overwhelmed. The Lord heard our prayers and has answered them. We are seeing the fruits of our labor now and oh how we love our boys. Hang in there and God bless you and your family.~Tina
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