I went to the grocery store yesterday and literally stood in the dairy section paralyzed with big deer-in-headlight eyes for what felt like forever. You know the date is fast approaching when it's the same expiration date on your milk jug.
We leave for China on Friday Oct. 10th, meet Emmajane on Monday, Oct 13th (the evening of Sun. Oct 12th here in the USA), and we arrive home in Lexington at 9pm on Friday, Oct. 24th.! In just 2 weeks from tonight, we will finally have our Emmajane in our arms!
Visas have been obtained and all plane tickets have been reserved and e-tickets printed out. Every little detail of our in-country travel plans have been beautifully arranged by our incredible agency. Suitcases are filling up fast and my last minute "to-do" list has become longer each day. Business calendar is completely full until early December and (mostly) prepared for. I have a 4-page, typed schedule ready to print for the kids and Grandma. The pantry is stocked and 12 freezer meals prepared and put away. All bills have been scheduled for auto pay and I've even got a head start on a bit of Christmas shopping. You'd think I'd be on cloud 9 joyfully skipping around the house singing that darn "Happy" song by Pharell because the big trip we've waited for is finally here!!!!
Right?!?! Wrong.
I find myself sobbing every day. Uncontrollably. And it all started when it finally hit home that I won't be here in 2 weeks to tuck my other 3 babies in bed. You see, it's just Joe and I traveling this time while Grandma bravely holds down the fort with the circus we've left behind. They are in wonderful hands and I have absolutely no worries about their safety or well-being while I'm gone. Yes, I realize that time will go by fast and everyone will "do just fine" and we'll be reunited again soon- yadda, yadda, yadda. However, what most people don't know is that having the girls there WITH me last time is what literally gave me the most comfort during the midst of a stressful, big transition. And if I'm going to be brutally honest with you, Audrey is so attached that she'd crawl back into my uterus if she could. This is not going to be easy for us, and I absolutely DREAD saying "see you soon" when we leave for the airport. Oh, geez, here come the tears....again.....
At the same time, I weep for Emmajane. I can't imagine the emotions she's going through and will soon experience when she is thrown into the arms of complete strangers who look different, smell different, and talk different. She was abandoned at age 2 - left at the door of the orphanage wearing a little yellow raincoat. She has lived with a foster care family for as long as we have known. Therefore, she'll be experiencing the loss of not just one, but TWO families in her life and the loss of living in a culture that is all she's known. How can I let her know that WE are truly her forever and ever family? That we won't abandon her? That comes in time....I know.... This time, I cry for HER. For all she has gone through. For all the messy stuff that she will learn to overcome. You see, the journey isn't over once we get her home on American soil- it's truly just beginning and it's HARD! (yet so rewarding!)
But alas! I do the happy dance as I picture coming off that escalator at Bluegrass Airport with friends and family gathered there to welcome us home! My heart smiles when I think of all the new experiences she'll have: a shabby chic 4-poster bed of her own, a sugar rush of candy at trick-or-treat, clean air to breathe while she plays on the swing set in the backyard with her siblings, going to church and learning how to pray, big fluffy hair bows and twirling in fancy dresses and cowboy boots, blowing out the candles on her cake for her 6th birthday (Dec. 1st), glittery manis and pedis, her first Christmas and all of the family traditions that go along with it...I can go on and on! SO much super cool exciting stuff to look forward to! Stuff that makes my heart race and squeal wth joy! I've always joked that if you aren't bi-polar before you start this process, you surely will be by the end!
Bear with me over the next VERY emotional month ahead and stay tuned...I will be posting updates from China as often as I can. Please pray for our family as you think about it while go through your busy days. Let's get this sweet pea HOME!
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