Deep Breath

Next Thursday, our Dossier is scheduled to be mailed to China.  Wow!  At that point given 2-3 months on average, the Chinese government will approve us to adopt our boy and then all of the motions go into action to start planning our travel.  We're still SEVERAL months away from meeting him, but it's all moving along.  It seems like the past several months have gone by so fast and yet so slow at the same time. 

Yesterday I had to register Nate for Bible Study Fellowship Childcare for next fall.  Ok...deep breath...this isn't a big deal?    Right?   So, I fill out the little information form with his name, date of birth, address etc.   But then comes the big whammy.....it asks:  What is your relationship to this child?   No brainer, right?  Well, not so much.  Ya see, I stared at that little piece of paper for what seemed like forever in just awe over my own handwriting as I wrote my relationship as MOTHER.  My heart started racing.   I broke out into a sweat.  And panic sort of set in.  Why?   I honestly don't know.....just kind of slapped me upside the head like never before. 

Holy cow!   I am a MOTHER to not one...not two....but THREE children. (One of which doesn't even know that I even exist).   Sit.  Inhale.  Exhale.  Cry.   Scream outloud if you must.  I think I did it all of this in  very same minute. 

What on earth am I doing?  WHY am I doing this?  Why would I be giving up my happy, comfortable lifestyle to  bring in an orphan that has been diagnosed with some physical issues that will require surgery?  Why would I parent a child who has been described as having a bad temper?   Am I ready for my daily life to be completely turned upside-down?   I don't like change and I'm terrified of wicked storms.  I especially don't deal well with lack of sleep  and knock-out-drag-out-temper-tantrums.  WHY am I doing this?  WHY has God called ME to adopt?    HOW on earth am I gonna be able to parent a 4 year old angry hurricane PLUS have time to lovingly and patiently parent 2 older daughters that have important life issues of their own to learn and work though??  With all of Nate's medical appointments, therapy and ongoing needs, how will I ever get my business work done?  I can't afford to quit my job!  I absolutely love that my job is flexible enough to work around these things and all.  But...seriously...are there really enough hours in a day to get it all done? 

Will life ever be the same? 

No. 

Some have said that I'm changing his life forever.   Right now, I'm standing face-to-face in the reality that MY life is getting ready to change forever.      

And ya know what?   It's all gonna be ok. 

Gray Hair

This morning, as I'm plucking (more) gray hairs, I had this big epiphany:    I'm getting old.     However, this adoption process is sort of keeping me feeling young and "on my toes", yet I'm gaining more "grown-up"  life wisdom and knowledge than ever.

A few months ago, I never, ever knew what a dossier was.  (and if you don't know...it's ok...this adoption stuff seems to have it's very own dictionary and abbreviations for everything)     A few months ago I wouldn't have imagined that I'd ever use a courier service or even how one of those businesses even really work.   A few months ago, I couldn't fathom that a neighbor would actually have the audacity to close their blinds on my sweet kiddos when they rang the doorbell to do some fundrasing and excitedly show them pictures of their baby brother.   On the other hand, I couldn't have ever imagined some of the AMAZING, wonderful people who have come out of the woodwork and have been so supportive of our calling.   I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have contemplated purchasing size 2T Batman underroos a few months ago nor did I have a clue what the difference was between a 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree cleft palate.   I'm confident that I didn't have the phone number of United Stated Citizenship and Immigration Department on speed dial either.

A few months ago, I had a few less gray hairs.

Boy, are we keeping busy, though!  I'm sort of enjoying time with just the 4 of us right now.  I'm taking in as much time as I can with the girlsas they are growing up before my very eyes and making their own adjustments to this whole crazy concept of a little brother. 

Speaking of those 2 rotten little girls that I absolutely adore, they just got some new hair-do's last week. Wanna see?  Of course you do!

Aren't they cute??!! 

So, as I type this, I remembered I was "due" to call USCIS to check on our 1800A and guess what?!?! It was APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahoo!!!     I'm so excited I can barely stand it!!!

Then the next "step" in the process will be dossier to China (DTC) and will mean another 2-3 months of waiting.  Ok...gotta go..I have a TON of paper chasing to do now!

Nesting?

Is it too early to start nesting? Or is this just spring fever?

We are about 45 more days away (on average) from moving on to the next step in our process as we wait for I-800A approval.  So what's a girl to do?

First, I decided to track down everyone's immunization records and haul the family in for an afternoon of vaccinations.  Sadly, I did worse than the kids on that part. Why is it that the mere smell of rubbing alcohol on my upper arm makes me feel woozie?   Feeling somewhat like a pin-cushion, it was at least something to mark off of the checklist.   

After almost passing out at the doctor's office, I decided that I needed a break from all of this adoption stuff. 

Therefore, I 'm now on a mission to re-organize the entire house, garage, cabinets, and closets and purge us from all the miscellaneous "junk" we have laying around.  Which, in turn, means that the people at Goodwill practically know us by name.  Everything else goes to the curb and now I'm pretty much convinced that the garbage man officially hates me.

I've gotten all mostly caught up with my paperwork, training, cooking shows, in regard to my business/ So,  why not decide to re-paint a few rooms and get all of the carpets cleaned at the same time.  Yup, that's right.  Let's create even more havoc around the house by taking down all of the window treatments, wall decorations, and re-arrange the furniture. 

I can't really say it's "nesting" yet, right?  Because truly we are a LOOONG way off from bringing this boy home.  Besides, my OCD kinda kicks into overdrive every now and then and I've been known to spontaneously color code my closet at a moment's notice.   Don't judge.  

Perhaps this is just a defense mechanism to keep my mind off of the simple fact that I have a son a half a world away who doesn't have a clue that he's got a soon-to-be-painted, fire-engine themed bedroom of his very own?   

As I sort through all of the Porter paint colors, I'm thinking of how much fun the job of the  paint-color-naming-person must be.   I've obviously missed my calling in life.