Travel Approval!!

I went to the grocery store yesterday and literally stood in the dairy section paralyzed with big deer-in-headlight eyes for what felt like forever.   You know the date is fast approaching when it's the same expiration date on your milk jug.

We leave for China on Friday Oct. 10th, meet Emmajane on Monday, Oct 13th (the evening of Sun. Oct 12th here in the USA), and we arrive home in Lexington at 9pm on Friday, Oct. 24th.!  In just 2 weeks from tonight, we will finally have our Emmajane in our arms!

Visas have been obtained  and all plane tickets have been reserved and e-tickets printed out.    Every little detail of our in-country travel plans have been beautifully arranged by our incredible agency.  Suitcases are filling up fast and my last minute  "to-do" list has become longer each day.  Business calendar is completely full until early December and (mostly) prepared for.  I have a 4-page, typed schedule ready to print for the kids and Grandma.  The pantry is stocked and 12 freezer meals prepared and put away.  All bills have been scheduled for auto pay and I've even got a head start on a bit of Christmas shopping.   You'd think I'd be on cloud 9 joyfully skipping around the house singing that darn "Happy" song  by Pharell because the big trip we've waited for is finally here!!!!

Right?!?!   Wrong.


I find myself sobbing every day.   Uncontrollably.   And it all started when it finally hit home that I won't be here in 2 weeks to tuck my other 3 babies in bed.    You see, it's just Joe and I traveling this time while Grandma bravely holds down the fort with the circus we've left behind.   They are in wonderful hands and I have absolutely no worries about their safety or well-being while I'm gone.    Yes, I realize that time will go by fast and everyone will "do just fine" and we'll be reunited again soon- yadda, yadda,  yadda.   However, what most people don't know is that having the girls there WITH me last time is what literally gave me the most comfort during the midst of a stressful, big transition.  And if I'm going to be brutally honest with you,  Audrey is so attached that she'd crawl back into my uterus if she could.   This is not going to be easy for us, and I absolutely DREAD saying "see you soon" when we leave for the airport.  Oh, geez, here come the tears....again.....


At the same time, I weep for Emmajane.  I can't imagine the emotions she's going through and will soon experience when she is thrown into the arms of complete strangers who look different, smell different, and talk different.    She was abandoned at age 2 - left at the door of the orphanage wearing a little yellow raincoat.    She has lived with a foster care family for as long as we have known.  Therefore, she'll be experiencing the loss of not just one, but TWO families in her life and the loss of living in a culture that is all she's known.   How can I let her know that WE are truly her forever and ever family?  That we won't abandon her?   That comes in time....I know....    This time, I cry for HER.   For all she has gone through.  For all the messy stuff that she will learn to overcome.   You see, the journey isn't over once we get her home on American soil- it's truly just beginning and it's HARD!    (yet so rewarding!)

But alas!    I do the happy dance as I picture coming off that escalator at Bluegrass Airport with friends and family gathered there to welcome us home!      My heart smiles when I think of all the new experiences she'll have:  a shabby chic 4-poster bed of her own,  a sugar rush of candy at trick-or-treat, clean air to breathe while she plays on the swing set in the backyard with her siblings, going to church and learning how to pray,  big fluffy hair bows and twirling in fancy dresses and cowboy boots, blowing out the candles on her cake for her 6th birthday (Dec. 1st), glittery manis and pedis, her first Christmas and all of the family traditions that go along with it...I can go on and on!    SO much super cool exciting stuff to look forward to!   Stuff that makes my heart race and squeal wth joy!  I've always joked that if you aren't bi-polar before you start this process, you surely will be by the end! 

Bear with me over the next VERY emotional month ahead and stay tuned...I will be posting updates from China as often as I can.   Please pray for our family as you think about it while go through your busy days.    Let's get this sweet pea HOME!

Uncertain Times

So many questions.  So few answers.

Almost every day, someone asks us, "When are you leaving for China?"     Months ago, I'd say hopefully sometime this fall.   About 2 weeks ago, I'd say October 10th.  Now that my immigration officer dragged her feet and waited an extra day to mail out Emmajane's visa application,  it's cost us another week in the waiting.  Who knew an extra day could cause such a huge delay?   (she's TOTALLY off my Christmas card list!)  On top of that, this is the time of year that China closes.  Yes, the entire country closes due to a holiday in early October which knocks out about 2 more weeks of potential travel dates.      So, now ask me when we'll travel.   *sigh*

I've also heard a hundred times "It's all God's perfect timing"...."it happens for a reason"..."she'll be here before you know it"...yadda, yadda , yadda.   Although I agree with all of that, I've never been a patient waiter and it's especially hard to wait because of this:

She KNOWS specifically that WE are coming!   These pictures made my heart leap for joy and sadness at the same time. Remember when you were a little kid and the summer seemed to last an eternity?  Imagine knowing that you have a new mommy and daddy from America who are coming to get you...yet every day just drags on.

Then there are days when I'm actually fearful of getting on that plane to go get her.   Let's face it, anyone who knows our story will tell you that our journey to Liam was hard, but after we met him it was even harder.  Like, WAY harder.  He's been home almost 2 years and I think he and I are just now  starting to really, really like each other.  When we first came home, he didn't come to me for comfort.  After he had his most recent surgery last month, he couldn't get enough of Mama.

The more I talk to other adoptive families,  the more that I'm understanding how common this really is.  It's one of those "no-no's" that a lot of folks are ashamed of or embarrassed to talk about.   Truth be told, adoption and bonding isn't always natural or easy.   It's flat out hard, and if I'm going to be really truthful, I'm bracing myself for another not-so-fun time.   God didn't say it was gonna be easy, He just said we wouldn't be alone.

Then there's that one thing that brings me to tears every time:  the thought of leaving "my baby" and "my bean".       We aren't able to travel with our other kiddos this time due to the sheer cost of plane tickets, thus they'll be home with Grandma for the 2 weeks we are on the other side of the world.  I've heard a hundred more times "They'll be just fine" ,  "It will go by so fast!", "It's better that they're not there because xyz..."   Some of those things I agree with.  However, let's go back to our last visit to China...not so good.    Those girls were the air I breathed.  They were nothing but comfort to me. When everything was weird, sad, smelly and plain-old stressful, their hugs gave me strength and the scent of their hair brought me comfort. Holding their little hands gave me an odd sense of peace and encouragement.   That's something that Facetime  simply can't do.  How am I going to let go on the day I hug these goobers goodbye?

Of course, there's always times I think of Emmajane.  What is her story and how much of it will she remember?   She was abandoned at age 2....a little sweet pea dropped off at the doors of an orphanage wearing a yellow raincoat.   Why?   What happened?  She'll be turning age 6 in December...why did she have to wait so long for a family?   These are things we may never, ever know.

So in the midst of so much uncertainty, there are a few things I do know for sure.

* She's meant to be ours.   From the very start, she was born to be a cherished part of the Rice circus!
* Worrying about all of the details is completely pointless. It takes the joy out of the journey and never changes the outcome.  Like, ever.
*   My house is the most organized it's ever been.  One word:  Nesting.
*   God's hand has been in the middle of this from the beginning.   I am humbled and in awe of His faithful provision!
*   I need a nap and should do so while I still have the chance!